Sunday, July 17

From the cockles of my heart

My Grandfather died this morning after spending less than 48 hours in Hospice. I think it was time. I’m just glad that he is no longer suffering and his passing will now allow everybody to start healing, as his body was shutting down and there really was no hope for recovery.

I know I wasn’t as close to him as I would have liked to be, but he had a huge impact upon who I am. I literally only had a dozen visits with him, but spending these past couple days in his house with so much family really reminded me of how much his values and interests have been passed down to me through my Stepfather, my Uncle, and by him directly. If one good thing came of this weekend, I have reconnected with my Uncle. This is the first time I have spent with him in such an honest atmosphere as an adult. I loved and respected him before, but now I feel like I know him and really like him too. In some strange way all of this makes me feel closer to my Grandfather.

I explained it all very simply to my dramatic aunt when she was wondering why I wasn’t blathering over his cold body. My grandfather isn’t in the shell that she is weeping over. My grandfather is in my heart and in my memories, and in the way I live my life. I will never be without him.

My grandfather was always torn up that our family was as disconnected as it has been. Each meal we shared this weekend I know he was happy just to see us together. Details are still being handled for his burial and memorial. I truly hope that this family situation has a more long lasting effect and that each of us tries just a little bit harder to keep in communicate.


Image thanks to
Sea Shell City.
My Grandfather father loved all thing to do with the sea and lived near it for almost all of his life. One of earliest ways he shared that love with me was with seashells. Everytime I saw him as a kid, he gave me a new book about seashells and lots of new shells. To be honest, I never shared his fascination with them although I always thought they were pretty and interesting to look at. Whenever I see a seashell, I think of my Grandfather. Of the many shells he gave me, the one that stands out the most in my memory is this beautiful white heart shaped one. It's called a True Heart Cockle.

14 comments:

Bearette24 said...

I'm sorry, Lora...may he rest in peace.

It's a really pretty shell...

Sue said...

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear he's gone, but pleased you were there in time to see him and to say goodbye. He's at peace now. It sounds like a positive weekend for the family as a whole and I'm sure your grandfather would be glad to see it.

Contemplative Activist said...

I'm sorry for your loss - but glad that your grandfather has given you so much that will remain with you.

Your peace with all of this is very inspiring. I hope you continue to celebrate and be thankful for your grandfather's life.

mlmleong said...

My deepest sympathies...8 years ago my grandather too died in a hospice.Looking back, perhaps it was better for him to let go than to continue suffering.
Once again..I'm very sorry for your loss.

Anvilcloud said...

Life comes around and goes around. We all must deal with it, and you are handling it so very well.

∙Ϊ®!§ђ∙©ћịℓÐ∙ said...

Lora, you are in my thoughts.

Carol said...

Lora,

I just love what you said about your grandfather being in your heart and memories and the way you live your life. That really touches me. I am glad you got to say goodbye and I am sure he was glad too. You and Jeffrey are in my thoughts.

Love,
Carol

Waterfall said...

Lora, I'm so happy that you have so much peace about this. I know how hard it is to lose a grandparent. It's so good to read how you can see that he was, is, and always will be a part of you.

Lora said...

Thank you for all your love and good thoughts. I have to say that knowing that I could eventually comeback and write about him and my thoughts and feelings has allowed me to face the situation with greater clarity.

Juliet said...

What you said about him is just beautiful. My prayers are stil with you and your family.

Catez said...

This is a beautiful post Lora. Although I have been offline for several days you were in my thoughts.

Stephanie said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather.

Dr. Evil said...

I can appreciate where you're coming from, Lora. Back in the Donut Shop days, My grandpa had a stroke and needed round-the-clock care for the last 3 years of his life.

I was there the day he died. It happened the morning I was prepping to drive to Baltimore to pick Deb up from college after the end of her first year. I hung around until my dad came around, but then I took off for Baltimore.

I'd made it through 3 years of being third watch, I'd lost count of how many diapers I'd changed, but I couldn't watch him go. The man was like a father to me.

After the wake (which I did not skip out on), when everybody was done doing the crying game, I huddled together with the rest of the family. We busted out the booze, and mixed light buzzes with a night of reminiscing.

That's the wake my grandfather wanted.

andrea said...

sorry I'm a little late with this, but I just want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. it is never easy losing someone.

and I really enjoyed reading about his love for seashells and how he shared that with you...