Monday, June 13

Follow through: My hat is ready to fly

Sculpture by
Hamish Corstorphine.
I am a person who follows through on my commitments. I do what I say I’m going to do. It is important to me that I am viewed as being responsible and a person of my word.

I am trying to utilize this strong value of mine to prompt me into action, to stop procrastinating on things, to make some tough decisions, and, more importantly, to follow through on them.

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I have had the extreme luxury of not being forced into making these decisions by the world, yet. Meanwhile, I have made many choices that have allowed me maintain this undefined status. In many ways, I wish that somebody had sat on me and forced me to act earlier. I find the luxury of indecision is no longer worth the sacrifices. Failure to choose is still making a choice (I’m sure I’m quoting someone here, but I don’t know who).

Just like I set myself into a position where I eventually quit smoking. I am trying to force myself into a choosing a career tract, only 15 years older the rest of the responsible people of the world. Waiting is no longer an option and I’m going to make myself squirm and feel uncomfortable until I finally start to act. While I believe that what you choose is important, I believe that making a choice is much more so. To quote Goethe:
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

I have bit by bit been making some proclamations. I originally told myself that after my move to Austin I would give myself one year to stabilize and to let us find our grove, because another change felt like too much to handle at the time. I got another job in the restaurants where I have been pretty much been since I graduated college. Many people find this a perfectly acceptable career field for themselves and go far with it, but I do not and never had.

That year is up on June 21st, 8 days from today. With this in mind, despite my lack of plan otherwise, I told some of my regulars who will be out of town until the beginning of July that I would be giving my notice soon and it is very likely that I would not be there the next time they came in. I’ve been talking to people about different ideas that I’ve been entertaining and asking them questions about what they do, enough questions that I would really feel ashamed not to act. If nothing else, let the avoidance of shame conquer my fear of risk.

Also, quite accidentally I’ve done some networking and I’m going to let that make chance make some choices for me. I told her I would get my resume together and contact her sometime this week.

Then the yeah’buts set in. Call it inertia; call it perfectionism; call it confusion; call it fear, ADD or dreamy, unrealistic idealism. But I know it is important to me that I have a professional career and that I am going to work on through all of them.

The decisions have been made, but as this is getting ridiculously long and I have a resume to work on, details will follow.


Anvilcloud said...

It's amazing to me how quickly time can pass, and I wonder what I have really done with it all.

Waterfall said...

So ... what do you really wanna be when you grow up? (Don't you hate that question? I never did have an answer for it--at least one that Responsible People would approve of.) Good luck in your career search!

J Bo said...

Good for you, Lora! What type of work are you looking for?

Lora said...

Waterfall- Hate, hate, hate it. And then the second you try to answer them they give you a list of reasons why what ever you're considering is a bad idea.

J Bo- I'll post all about it, in my rather long winded fashion. I swear. Hopefully today. Thanks for your interest though.

Julie said...

Don't worry too much, Lora. My dad is still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up. Just out of curiosity, what's your degree in?

Pearl said...

Indecision's a killer. There is no one right answer but many, It doesn't matter what you do, but that you do it. As Martin Luther King said, you put all of yourself into whatever you do, whether streetsweeper or congressman, be the best in it.

J Bo said...

Of course I am interested! You are keeping me on the edge of my desk here....

andrea said...

honoring commitments (whether they've been made to others or yourself)... this is a tough thing for so many of us to do. this is an admirable quality! you should be so proud of the way you have followed through in the different areas of your life.

a special congrats on quitting smoking... that's a major one!
good for you...

Stephen Gibby said...

Happy holidays!