Thursday, January 18

Peace After the Storm

I have my house back. Hooray! After a week of house painting and now half a week of being housebound by ice and snow (Yes, in Texas) Lyn went to work this morning, as scheduled. A sense of normality has once again returned. Not that I don’t enjoy having his company and also the extra hand he’s given me, but be has literal been pacing the house and I have sorely missed my alone time.

As we do every Thursday morning, we went to lapsit at the library and now Liam is tucked away for his morning nap. Quiet. I have resisted doing the clean up that needs to be done and just sat alone of a while. Ahhh. I made a cup of coffee and splashed some water on my face and now sit down with my keyboard to refocus.

My mind is turning to the million of little things that I want to get done. It’s not that I need the alone time to do things, I just need a little quiet so that I can figure out what order to work on things. So much of my life these days is spent flitting from one fire to another leaving we with a feeling of accomplishing absolutely nothing. Quite simply, I am trying to do too much. Well maybe not too much, but too much to a degree better then it needs to be done. I’ve never been good at leaving well enough alone. I am constantly trying to reinvent the wheel.

I don’t think that’s a bad thing, however left unfettered it can drive you to the brink of madness. Working on stepping away and say this is good enough, for now, is on ongoing process, probably a lifetime processes. It is the curse of the completely imperfect perfectionist, but I wouldn't trade this trait in if I could. Well, maybe...

I feel a little more at peace now, a little more centered. There are a million seemingly urgent things that call in the back of my mind, but because I feel more focused I can push them aside and work on the things that really matter. Today and always that is my care for Liam, also making headway on the financial mess my husband and I have created over the years and getting a nice healthy dinner on the table tonight and, of course, taking care of me.

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